Farhana Hussain, 47, suffered years of physical illness, including chronic fatigue and an inability to eat, after her 15-year marriage came to an end and she went into "shock"
A "divorce doula" who helps people navigate the end of marriages says her own break up left her physically ill after her "body went into shock".
Farhana Hussain, 47, claims she suffered years of physical illness after her 15-year marriage came to an end. After TV presenter Rylan Clark, 34, recently said he endured "stroke-like symptoms" after his divorce too, Farhana has called for health professionals to take the physical effects of a break up seriously.
The mum-of-three said years of insomnia following the divorce led to chronic fatigue and she was left physically unable to eat for six weeks - and had no appetite for half a year which led to rapid weight loss. Farhana, a former senior leader in a primary school, from Tunbridge, Kent, said: "My doctor recognised the weight loss and chronic fatigue was a symptom of the trauma I was experiencing with the divorce and referred me to counselling.
"That was terrible - I was working with counsellors who didn't really get the trauma and grief that comes with divorce and heartbreak as they had not experienced it themselves. I needed someone who got it, because they'd been there. I needed energising from within so I could start focusing on my physical health which was depleted of all energy and fuel from lack of sleep and food.
Rylan Clark's recent story about the physical toll of his divorce struck a chord with me. I experienced physical symptoms and I see many of my clients struggling with physical health issues too." Farhana and her former partner were together for 18 years, married for 15, and began the divorce process in 2012 - which was finalised in 2019.
"The physical symptoms were really pronounced from the beginning which was a real shock to me," Farhana said. "The way my body manifested my trauma was through really bad insomnia - I lived on three or four hours of sleep a day for a year or so, I felt physically unable to sleep."
She also described being unable to eat and said: "My throat just felt contracted and I physically could not swallow. It wasn't just a lack of appetite, I physically could not bring myself to chew or swallow." Farhana decided to contact her GP in March 2013 - who she says told her she had lost too much weight and her BMI was too low.
"I switched from a male to a female doctor after that and she was much more sympathetic," Farhana said. "She linked the physical symptoms I was experiencing to my divorce - which wasn't something I'd actually really thought about or considered until then. People think that when you go through heartbreak after a long relationship it's just an emotional, mental thing but we don't talk enough about the physical side and the physical manifestations - not many people realise the link."
Farhana was referred to a counselling service in April 2013 and was also offered antidepressants and medication to deal with her symptoms - which she refused due to the possible side effects. She said talking therapy was "terrible" as she was working with specialists who did not understand the "trauma and grief that comes with divorce and heartbreak".
She said: "Talking about the past and how I got here just wasn't what I needed at that time." She left therapy shortly after and - with nowhere else to turn - she tried to manage her symptoms single-handedly. After years of insomnia, in September 2017 Farhana met a "spiritual healer" and says everything changed.
She said: "I stumbled across a spiritual healer in September 2017 when I went for a facial - until then, I just accepted divorce is something that just breaks you and will leave you being a victim of your circumstances forever." After four years of struggling to eat and cope with insomnia - while bringing up three children - Farhana finally developed strategies to cope with her divorce trauma.
Now she is helping others struggling with similar experiences post-break up as the UK's first "divorce doula". She focuses on physical strategies including breath-work, committing to good daily habits, and focusing on self care. "I remember literally struggling to breathe when I was trying to process my divorce - you're in such a state of survival and panic," Farhana said.
"When you can't breathe properly, you can't think properly and it becomes a vicious cycle you get trapped in which really impacts your sleep, impacts your health. There are so many different physical things often rooted in the amount of stress and emotional trauma you're experiencing."
She has worked with clients who have suffered kidney issues, unexplained gut problems, blood issues, skin conditions, and anaemia following their divorce. "I support people with working with their physical body," she said. "This is the kind of support I wish I'd had 12 years ago - it just wasn't available at the time."
"Medication and therapy aren't the only two options - the right support transformed my physical and emotional health and now I try my best to impart that on to the people I work with."