When I met Tee, I was sure I had met my dream man. Physically, he is exactly what I want in a man. He has a sweet and caring personality as well. Emotionally, he is available. No conversation with him was off-limits. He made me so comfortable that before he even expressed interest in me, I told him I was a single mum.

It isn’t that I keep my son a secret from others. It’s just that I like to be sure where a connection is heading before I disclose that aspect of my life to them. Even when I start seeing someone, I don’t introduce them to my child. However, the vibe was different with Tee. Everything was easy with him. I believe that’s what happens when you are with someone who feels right for your soul. You let yourself go and free fall into love with them.

I know that having chemistry with someone does not necessarily mean they are a good person. But I can testify that Tee is a good man. He is not just a partner but he is my friend too. When I told him about my son we had met to see each other. He held my hand and said, “I may not be the one who birthed him biologically, but I want you to know that he is my son now. I will be to him what a father is to a son. Consider him as my responsibility.” I was happy to hear this because it’s important to me that the man I spend the rest of my life with, loves and accept my son.

So knowing that he volunteered to be a father when I didn’t ask him meant the world to me. My stepfather was nothing like a father to me. If anything, he went out of his way to make sure I was always put in my place as “not one of his children.” This is why Tee’s acceptance of mine gladdened my heart.

We are planning to tie the knot in a year’s time. Although marrying him would make me the happiest woman on earth, there’s something missing in the relationship. All the ingredients are coming together perfectly but one of them didn’t make it into the pot. I am talking about his generosity or the traits in him that show that he is a provider.

Right from the beginning of the relationship, I have been giving him gifts. I have a job that pays me well so I am able to take good care of my son and myself too. And I can afford to get Tee presents from time to time. Now, I don’t want anyone saying I give him stuff because I am hoping he will give me gifts in return. That’s far from the truth.

All I know is that relationships are a two-way affair. I give. You give. I build you up. You build me up. That’s how we succeed together as a couple. But in my case, it’s one-sided. I’m the only one who gives this man gifts. We don’t live close. We both work outside Ghana but are in different countries. Nonetheless, I don’t let the distance get between me and my desire to spoil him. When it comes to him though, he has never bothered to give me anything.

Within these eight months we’ve been together, I have never received a penny from him. I am beginning to believe all his talk about loving and accepting my son are empty words. I do not feel entitled to his money or anything. It’s just nice to know you are with a man who has your back when it comes to money. Once in a while, he should show a gesture, like sending random gifts or offering to pay minor bills. And it will mean so much more if this comes to him naturally.

I am a giver. He says he is too, but I am yet to see it. If he can’t show little acts of fatherly love toward my child now, will he do it after marriage? That’s what I want to know. What about his responsibility as a husband? Will he do it if he hasn’t attempted to provide anything for me?

After everything I have seen, should I be concerned? Or I am just overthinking and having too many expectations of a man who says we should get married? Lest I forget, he doesn’t let go of issues easily when we get into a fight. I would have to beg him several times before he would forgive and make peace. Isn’t that one too a red flag? I know no one is perfect but I don’t want to make a mistake. These two things aside, he is a wonderful person. That’s why I want to know if I should worry about them, or if it’s all in my head.

— Dorcas

#SB