Do you ever wonder why there are times when you can get so mad so easily with your wife? Does your anger lead to you saying or doing things you swore you would never say or do again? Maybe you swore to stop being passive-aggressive, giving the silent treatment, blaming, shaming, or yelling, only to find yourself doing it again. There is, in part, a neurological reason we can get so mad so quickly.

When you are relationally triggered, it triggers the amygdala, the same part of the brain that would be triggered if you saw your kid about to step into the street. You wouldn’t think; you would jump into action. While we are all thankful for the amygdala, it can cause us to respond in regrettable ways. Knowing what is going on in the brain when you get triggered is good; knowing what to do despite it is even better. Here are 4 ways to keep you from getting so mad so easily.

1. Create a pause button strategy.

When you feel yourself getting angry or frustrated, it’s helpful to have a plan in place to help you calm down and think before you react. Try taking a few deep breaths, counting to ten, or momentarily stepping away from the situation. Taking time to cool off when you’re mad gives you a better chance to respond how you want to and how your wife needs you to. [Tweet this]

2. Explore what’s beneath your anger.

When you’re upset with your wife, it’s important to understand what’s really bothering you. Take a moment to think about why you’re feeling angry. Is it because you feel hurt or insecure? By figuring out the root cause of your anger, you can better understand yourself and communicate in a way your wife can hear better.

3. Don’t match an unhealthy reaction with an unhealthy reaction.

It’s natural to want to lash out when you feel attacked or criticized, but responding with anger or blame only escalates the situation. Instead, try to respond with patience, empathy, and respect, even when you’re upset. Better responses lead to a better marriage.

4. Remember who you want to be.

When things get heated, it’s easy to forget the kind of husband you want to be. Take a moment to step back and remember how you want to show up for your wife. Do you want to be someone who flies off the handle or someone who models how to handle things well? Your kids are learning from you how to respond when they get mad. Make sure your mad model is a good one.

Sound off: How have you learned to handle your anger better?