Years of being confused by other people and feeling let down by many drove me to learn everything I could about human nature. People make snap decisions about your respectability quickly, no matter your history and achievements. This is something we can take advantage of.

Here are the 5 subtle behaviors that will make you more respected than most:

1. Take your time

Time seems to move slower for many respectable people who can command a room. You know this because you've seen it in action. These people seem to exert an invisible force on the particles around them in their non-rushed, calm demeanor. This sends powerful signals that reflect a higher status, whether earned or not. They create a relaxed reality that people jump right into.

2. Ignore negative attention

The most respectable people are masters at subtly reinforcing the reality that they are not to be disrespected and do not tolerate drama. But they don’t do as 99% of people do, reacting angrily like a petulant child. They have mastered the art of ignoring ‘bad’ behavior and rewarding good behavior with more attention. At the very least, they may make light of a jab rather than ignore it, which is also effective. This subtle exertion of boundaries is felt strongly and rarely fails to demonstrate confidence and power.

3. Don't be ‘nice’ all the time

In a world where almost everyone is trying to be super-duper extra ‘nice,’ you bring a whole new vibe when you can sometimes let go of this need. Respectable people are often slower to show ‘niceness.’ This reflects a higher position in the pecking order. People can see they have little need for this often over-used and manipulative tool. 

Tease people after you have gotten to know them a little. Be a bit cocky. Show some pride. Be occasionally brutally honest if it serves. Be okay with not always appearing so nice, and you instantly rise to the invisible social hierarchy.

4. Get to the heart of things

Most people undermine the truth in their attempts to fit in, avoid offending, and stand out too much. We’re far too afraid of the perceived consequences of confrontation. We choose instead to do everything we can to ensure everyone feels okay to avoid being on the receiving end of criticism, which we believe will painfully lower our self-esteem.

The most respectable people go the other way. They actively seek to get to the heart of matters because they know that denying the truth is harmful in the long run for everyone. They take the leadership position. They ask the tough questions and say what is only on the minds of most. To go against the grain like this garners tremendous respect.

5. Never take things personally

It’s always a fascinating phenomenon for me to watch someone (or myself in retrospect) take something personally and then see the loss of respect this often prompts in the other person. Funnily, making others respect you leads to them disrespecting you even more. Why does reacting to criticism have this effect? Surely there is strength in wanting to protect yourself?

Taking things personally is — in fact — a very immature act. It transmits very clearly that you lack emotional control and perceive yourself to be someone of such low worth that you suffer when there is further perceived loss. Truly confident people know that there is never anything they can lose at the psychological and spiritual level. They also know that other people can’t possibly lower their self-esteem — because it is merely an illusion — so they act like it. They behave calmly, lightly, and gracefully, like they have nothing to lose, which is felt and respected by the people around them.