Kay and I met online. I didn’t have any hopes for our connection beyond friendship but he had a way of keeping conversations interesting. That’s how I found myself enjoying his virtual company. We would text and have long conversations on the phone getting to know each other. Three months after talking consistently, it came up that we were all members of the same church. So we agreed to attend an event one of our branches had organized together. While I live in Swedru, he lives in Kasoa. To avoid unnecessary stress, we agreed to meet at the church auditorium.
It was there that he told me, “I am struggling to see because it’s nighttime.” I didn’t understand him at first until I noticed that he had difficulty walking. I had to hold his hands to redirect his path. I asked, “What’s wrong with your eyes? Is it always like this?” He smiled shyly and said, “I see fine during the day but nighttimes, I struggle. It’s because of the glaucoma.” I couldn’t say anything other than, “Oh, sorry.”
Despite his little missteps because of his handicap, we had a fun time together. So I availed myself whenever he wanted us to meet. After spending more time with him, I started falling in love with him. I knew he liked me too. His actions were so loud and clear. He always talked about how happy he was that we have things in common. I felt the same way too but I also didn’t feel the need to rush things. I kept my feelings to myself and allowed the friendship to flow at its own pace.
Six months into the friendship, he finally came out and confessed his feelings for me. “I want us to date and study each other for marriage,” he said. By then I was ready to embrace love again. I was ready for him. What else could a girl do but say, yes, without hesitation?
At the beginning of the relationship, I was the one who always made the trip to Kasoa to spend time with him. I was giddy and pumped with love hormones so I didn’t notice it at first. All I knew was that I enjoyed spending time with him. It wasn’t until six months had passed in the relationship that it dawned on me that Kay didn’t know where I lived. Every time we made plans for him to visit, something would come up and we would have to cancel or I would go to his place instead.
When I brought it up, he assured me that it wasn’t intentional. “One of these days, I will show up and you will see that you were worried for nothing.” A year into the relationship, those “one of these days” never happened. He always had an excuse to give. At some point, he even said, “I find it difficult to leave the house because of my eyes. You know I have a medical problem.” I couldn’t believe it. Not that I didn’t have empathy for him but this guy works a 9-5 while running a side business. If he could make time and effort to go to work, why not make time to visit the woman he claim he loves?
I just felt he should at least know where I live, but he didn’t see it that way. He helped me plan a business. But when I was launching it, he couldn’t be bothered to show up. I also have a regular job like him. I have invited him to pass by my workplace on one of his off days. So he can at least associate me with a physical space. That one too was met with excuses. This was our major fight in the relationship. For over a year, we argued about the fact that I was the one carrying ninety percent of the relationship on my head.
When I got tired of arguing with him, I told him I wouldn’t visit him until he visits me. I made that statement five months ago, and it’s been five months since I last saw him.
While I was waiting for his visit, I decided to test a theory. This guy has never given me any gift since we started the relationship. I was always giving him stuff until I noticed this about him and stopped. I thought if I stopped he would pick up on it and start showing gestures but no. It’s not as if he doesn’t have money, he does. He goes out of his way to do things for almost everyone in his life except me.
To be sure that it wasn’t all in my head, I told him; “These days I use my cylinder for the new business I started. So I don’t cook at home anymore. It’s too much stress to carry the cylinder back and forth. I will be so happy if I get an extra cylinder I can use solely for the house.” Kay heard me but didn’t say a word or offer to get it for me.
About a month later, his friend got married. And he bought this person a burner and a fridge as a wedding present. He was the one who told me this. Whatever he sought to achieve by saying this to me, I have no idea. However, I was hurt that he could go all this way for a friend but not exhibit the same energy when it came to me, someone he was dating to marry.
Looking at the way things were going, I started preparing for the end. After all, after almost two years together, there were no steps taken toward marriage. It was obvious that I had deluded myself into believing that we had something special. To sort things out I called him and said; “It’s been five months since we last saw each other. How about I come over on Friday so we discuss the state of our relationship? And the way forward.”
He said he would close late, so I should come on Saturday. I called on Saturday and he simply said, “I can’t make it, sorry. Let’s reschedule.” I was the one going to him so what did he mean by he couldn’t make it? He didn’t have to say it but I understood perfectly that he didn’t like me.
I told myself, “Stop forcing things on this man who doesn’t like you. You deserve someone who will make time and effort to be with you. You deserve someone whose attention you don’t have to beg for.” I then sent him a message saying, “I want to take a break from us. It’s obvious you have no interest in what we have.” Even though I know I should close the door completely, I want to know if he will feel any vacuum in his life after I am gone. Somehow I am clinging on to the hope that I meant something to him, and it wasn’t only me in the relationship all along.