I met Lydia at the first company I worked at after  I completed high school. Like me, she was an SHS leaver looking to do something to occupy her time while we all awaited our WASSCE results. Because we were both new in the job market and the adult world, we hit it off within a short time. She became my handbag just as I became hers.

If she was a man or I were a man, people would have thought we were boyfriend and girlfriend. But because we are two women, we were often mistaken to be sisters. Sometimes when they asked if we were related, we would smile and say yes. It didn’t even feel like a lie to me because that’s how I felt about her.

Along the line, she left the job to further her education. Her parents are the ones providing for her so it was an easy choice for her to make. My situation is different so I couldn’t follow in her path. It’s not as if I didn’t want to go to school, I wanted to but where is the money? So I continued to work so I would save up some money.

When I realized I had saved enough, I decided to learn a trade. At least with that path, I would acquire a skill that would bring me some stable income. When I discussed my plans with Lydia, she did not seem pleased. She advised, “I don’t think you should learn a trade. Why don’t you go back to school instead? It will be better for you if you do.”

I told her, “Oh, it’s not a bad idea at all for me to pursue a degree but I can’t afford it now. If I use the money I have to pay for admission fees, hostel fees, and other expenses, I will have nothing left. Where will I get my next school fees from? How to survive in school will be another headache. So let me just do the best I can for myself with the little I have.” After listening to me she suggested, “Then ask your boyfriend to support you.” I just told her I couldn’t.

I have always lived a life where I know you cannot make plans about your life depending on someone’s pocket. Especially a man who is not yet my husband. I could ask him and he would agree but he is human. Anything can happen along the way to ruin those plans. So I chose to do what I had already intended.

As someone who takes care of myself, from paying rent to even the water I drink, I cannot let someone else make decisions about my finances for me. I should add that I take care of my parents too. In her case, her parents take care of her so things are not the same for us. When she realized that I wouldn’t take her advice, she was not pleased but it did not bother me.

Now here is my problem, I’m done with the training and I’m working. It’s a new business so I’m still in the struggling phase. Lydia has also completed school but she is currently unemployed so she is at home.

We hung out recently and talked about our lives. She complained about all the trials and stress she is experiencing in her search for a job. I also told her, “I am also having challenges in my new business. If I had someone to give me a little push, I would furnish my salon the way I envision it, and it will attract more clients for me.” All she could say was, “I still think you made a mistake by learning hairdressing. You really should have gone to school. You would have been better off if you did.” I stopped saying anything about my chosen profession after she made that statement.

What I don’t understand is why she does not see that our lives are different. All she could have done was support me the same way I support her. Is that not what good friends do? So why is it so difficult for Lydia to do the same?

Of course, I would love to go back to school but until then, this is my life and I love what I do. It’s not just a means of survival for me anymore. It’s my passion now. And I have been trying to get her to accept this for the sake of our friendship but she is more obsessed with me going to school than my contentment. It’s not as if I speak English with bad grammar or anything. Most people who talk to me don’t even know that I am an SHS leaver until it comes up and I tell them I don’t have any form of tertiary education.

They say you can always measure someone’s intelligence by the number of languages they speak. Well, if it counts, I speak four local languages fluently. And I take good care of myself. I work in the beauty industry so I always dress neatly and presentable. So why can’t my friend accept me as I am? Do I embarrass her? Is she embarrassed to say her best friend is a hairstylist? I just don’t get her.

#SB