She doesn’t know how to whisper. Her voice is always above twelve decibels and I’m not exaggerating. She’s beautiful and has the heart of the Mona Lisa but each time when we are talking, she sounds like we are fighting. I have to lower my hands repeatedly to tell her to bring her voice down.

At first, it worked but recently, she’s getting angry that I’m always telling her to lower her voice. She thinks I’m exaggerating. She tells me I’m the only one who has problems with the level of her voice.

See, at the restaurant yesterday, I tried to gossip with her about a couple who were sitting in front of me but behind her. They were close so I lowered my voice and spoke about the lady. Immediately Naa opened her mouth, the couple got to know we were gossiping about them. I was so embarrassed I had to eat quickly and leave the place.

That wasn’t the first time. At a wedding, she did it to me. We were praying, so I tapped her gently to watch someone’s shoes. Yeah, it’s not right but what are lovers for if they can’t gossip about others? When she opened her mouth to talk, those around us busily praying opened their eyes and started laughing. They heard everything she said.

Worst of all is when she receives a call. God, I always want to disappear. When the call degenerates into an argument, birds would fly, dogs would run, ants would drop their food and enter their holes because Naa would be so loud your ears would break.

She received a call once in a trotro and everyone turned to look at us. Why would God give such a loud voice to a calm face like Naa? And the sad thing is, she doesn’t hear herself and the intensity of her own voice so when you complain, she gets angry and it turns into a fight.

I’m tired. I’m always edgy when I’m out with her. I pray she doesn’t receive a call. I try hard not to gossip with her. I love to show her off but immediately she speaks everyone mistakes her for a village girl who just came to town.

I want to know, how do you help a girl like Naa? Can she ever learn to tone it down? A girl who doesn’t know how to whisper? We’ve been at it for over seven months now but I haven’t seen any improvement. Or you say I should keep quiet and enjoy my vuvuzela