As a mom of three daughters, any trending term that has to do with girls gets my attention immediately. One of those is the label “girl’s girl.” If I’m being honest, this idea has always made me uncomfortable. I don’t like the suggestion that as a woman, we have to be on another female’s side no matter what—even if we don’t agree with what she is doing or saying. 

But, upon doing a little digging on social media, it turns out that for many, there’s more to being a “girl’s girl” than that.

In fact, TikTokers share a lot of qualities of a “girl’s girl” that are highly desirable. In one widely-watched explanation, creator @jessi.lee says the opposite of a “girl’s girl” would be a “pick-me girl," or one who behaves differently, typically around boys, to get attention, often low-key putting down other girls in the process. Indeed, for the creator, a “girl’s girl” is someone who “views other girls as allies instead of competition.” It’s hard to find fault in that!

Meanwhile, in another video TikTok user @chanzandchill shares examples of a "girls girl," pointing to moments when a person is helpful or protective when it's needed.

In one more popular video, a creator who shares content using the handle @sydneyrenayeverhart, explains that you’re “not a girl’s girl” if you let someone talk about your friend behind her back, and don’t stick up for her. Or, if you can’t handle your friend getting attention. Supporting friends, yeah, count me in.

But the popularity of the term and what it means can cause issues, including bullying or feeling pressured to always support peers.

“Doing anything blindly is unhealthy," explains Jenny Yip, PsyD, ABPP, board-certified clinical psychologist and author of Hello Baby, Goodbye Intrusive Thoughts.

Another issue? “Labeling a phenomenon with a gender-specific label is already exclusive, which will create comparison and competition," says Dr. Yip. "So the label in itself is contradictory.” In other words, kids are turning against other kids for not being “girl’s girls,” which seems to fly in the face of what the idea is all about.

For Chris M. Lyon, a coach certified in applied neuroscience who specializes in working with highly sensitive people, and host of the podcast Sensitive With an Edge, there’s nothing inherently wrong with being a “girl’s girl.”

“It’s all about the general encouragement, validation, and support that girls and women can extend towards each other,” says Lyon. Being a “girl’s girl” goes too far when it's weaponized to judge or shame others. 

Darby Brown Fox, LCSW, a child and adolescent family therapist, agrees, adding, "It’s not unusual for bullying and isolation to result when, for instance, it’s perceived that a girl breaks up a friend’s relationship so she isn’t being a 'girl’s girl'—and this can be debilitating for a child."

How Parents Can Teach Kids To Support Others in Healthy Ways

Supporting peers is important, no matter their gender. But experts say if something feels wrong, including abusive language or actions, kids should not support it blindly. It's important to explain that to children, as well as the fact that it's OK to disagree with others.

“Support comes in many forms, including disagreeing with someone and doing it respectfully," says Ashley Kipness, PsyD, partner and associate director of Applied Psychological Services of New Jersey.

Her recommendation is to teach kids to establish boundaries in all of their relationships, and stresses, “Instilling confidence in one’s morals and values, as well as learning effective communication skills, will assist them in all aspects of life.” 

As Brown says, we want to teach our children about the positive aspects of supporting peers, and belonging to an all-female social group, club, or sport, if that's what they choose to do. “But almost as important is teaching girls how to behave when they see behavior that is not OK,” she says. “We don’t want the notion of being part of a group to take precedence over mistreating others.”

Overall, Dr. Yip adds, “The important idea to focus on is inclusivity—what you're trying to build with your child is emotional intelligence.”