Before I had children, I enjoyed my personal space. Hugs? Maybe a quick one if I really liked you. Now, I enjoy cuddles with my kids, but my second-born has taken things to new levels.

He’s nearly 2-and-a-half and sticks to me like the Velcro on his sneakers.

He’s a "Velcro baby" (well, toddler)—one who society calls “clingy”.

I’m not the only one with a Velcro baby. A few TikTok videos are racking up some pointed opinions on handling babies who crave constant physical contact, regardless of what you're doing around the house.

In one video posted by @varneyfamily, a toddler who sees her mother attempting to take some items upstairs alone goes running after her, crying. Before getting too far, mom goes back, picks up her crying child (who immediately stops crying), and the two head upstairs together.

“This girl is my Velcro baby,” the caption reads. “Getting anything done can be challenging. But I know one day she won’t want me anymore.”

Another mother who posts frequent vlogs under @arielvidal_ gave a behind-the-scenes look at what her Velcro baby puts her through. She tries to put her already-whimpering child down onto a bathroom vanity telling them, "It’s okay", but the baby cries.

“POV everyone tells you [that] you have it easy because you’re a SAHM (stay-at-home mom), but you hold a baby ALL day,” reads a text overlay. 

“Having a Velcro baby is no joke,” the mom says in the caption. “At times, I feel so guilty having things undone, but it’s impossible to do some things one-handed. [The] afternoon gets even crazier because my son is autistic and has his own challenges [that] need attention. MOTHERHOOD is HARD. Being at home 24/7 is HARD. It is not the easy way.”

Suggestions in Solidarity

With Velcro babies obviously making even mundane tasks difficult for parents, many of the commenters on both videos suggest letting the baby cry and doing what you need to do.

“I'll let mine cry for a bit if their dad is there because mom needs a break too,” writes one person on the video posted by @varneyfamily.

“Got to let them cry sometimes. It will be OK,” another writes.

“Let that baby cry,” says another. “You’re making things harder on yourself.”

But other veteran Velcro baby parents disagree.

“The people in the comments talking about ‘just leave her’ clearly have no clue what it’s like having a clingy baby,” writes one person. “After a while, ‘just leaving her’ makes things worse for everyone. If I’m able to continue my task with my baby on my hip, I will absolutely do so. I’m there with you, mama.”

Er, same here. And from another commenter, “Most of these comments don’t pass the vibe check. You are doing your best, mama! Having a Velcro baby is so hard. We are hardwired to want to comfort them! My son would just keep crying if I put him down.”

Okay, so what do the experts think? We asked. 

How To Handle a Velcro Baby

For starters, it might help to hear that Velcro babies aren’t trying to manipulate you or intentionally make your life harder. There isn’t anything wrong with them or you.

“When we explore clingy behavior from an attachment theory lens, we learn that attachment is a survival mechanism,” says Kiana Shelton, LCSW, a Texas-based licensed clinical social worker with Mindpath Health.

She points out that for babies, physical closeness to a parent/caregiver assures safety. “It is normal to see this intensify around 6 to 9 months as babies start to be around more people, which intensifies the need for confirming safety,” she says.

Abbey Sangmeister, MS.Ed, LPC, ACS, who works with parents through her practice, Evolving Whole, agrees. “Babies are ’Velcro’ because they have a healthy, secure attachment to that parent. Secure attachment is the foundation for a baby and child to grow and develop in a healthy way."

Of course, that doesn’t make dealing with a Velcro baby any less intense or more convenient. Both experts acknowledge that and offer some advice.

Embrace the Time Instead of Decreasing It

Contrary to the idea of actively decreasing contact time with your Velcro baby, Sangmeister says try leaning in to that time as an opportunity to rest and recharge–even if it means specific tasks remain undone (or done by someone else).

“When I work with parents that have a Velcro baby, I encourage them to embrace the moments and slow down," she says. "During that time when the parent can observe what is truly going on, they will notice that they themselves were dysregulated first and rushing.”

As for just letting the child cry, Sangmeister says that doesn't really help, as filling the child's need for connection is what lays the foundation for secure attachment.

Create a Routine

Yes, babies and small children thrive on connection. Do you know how else they can thrive? By knowing what to expect. Introducing a routine where your child knows when it's time to be close and when it's not may help to create a rhythm for them and you, and even increase their sense of safety. 

“A predictable routine can aid in security. Giving babies the ability to know what to expect can reduce anxiousness,” Shelton confirms.

Take Baby Steps–Not Big Leaps

Speaking of routine, the walking before running approach should apply here. Taking baby steps when teaching a child about separation will help the idea sink in that it's okay to be apart from your parent (because they will come back).

“Gradual separation can be a great way to help the baby get used to being away from the parent/caregiver in what feels like manageable doses,” Shelton says.

You might start with 30 seconds away from the child before returning, followed by one minute, and then go from there.

Utilize Verbal Communication and Follow-Through

Sneaking away when your Velcro baby isn’t looking can be tempting, but Shelton gently advises against this, as alerting your child that your leaving can reassure them you will return.

“While [saying goodbye] may create some discomfort and tears, it is not as anxiety-producing as the baby looking away and looking up to see their parent/caregiver disappear,” she says.

Sangmeister points out that verbally communicating your feelings as a parent is also a good idea, even if your child doesn't fully understand.

“An example could be, ‘Mommy is feeling overwhelmed right now, and I understand you want to be held,'" she suggests. "Mommy will dance with you for the next song, and then we will take a break.”

Sangmeister adds that the communication can progress as the child gets older, offering, “Mommy feels overwhelmed and needs a little space for five minutes. While mommy does that, why don’t you color or play Legos? I will join you after five minutes.”

“It is important that the parent returns in five minutes to continue building trust and secure attachment,” she says.

Develop Self-Care Strategies

Yes, your needs matter, too. Shelton suggests carving out intentional time–whether it's while the baby naps or a few extra minutes in the shower, self-care doesn't always have to look like a day at the spa.

Shelton also suggests considering the professional help option. "A mental health professional can increase your tools to manage this stress that comes along with a Velcro baby and offer effective coping strategies,” she says.

Sangmeister offers some examples of effective coping strategies:

• Dancing to your favorite song while carrying the baby.
• Sitting on the floor holding the baby while taking deep breaths.
• Going for a walk with the little one in a carrier.
• Coloring with the child on your lap.
• Reading a book together.

It may sound cliche, but I enjoy doing meditation while my child naps—or telling my husband to take the dogs for their afternoon walk while I nap.

Remember It's a Season–Not a Sentence

Parenting a Velcro baby is hard, and if you’re in the trenches, I am right there with you. Both Shelton and Sangmeister say daily reminders will carry you through.

“This is only a season of this behavior, and it will not last,” Sangmeister says. “Embrace the Velcro now, ask for support in a clear way, create self-care with your child, and remember childhood has its seasons.”

Shelton adds that it can be hard to get unsolicited advice about something as personal as parenting, or give yourself grace when comparing your situation to others.

“Remember that parenting will be a sacrifice, but you should not feel like you're suffering," she says. "Know that clingy behavior is a normal part of child development. It's a sign of a strong bond and secure attachment.”