The key to raising secure children: Why parental sensitivity matters for fathers and mothers
Have you ever heard of children's attachment or attachment theory? If you are a parent, caregiver or an educator, chances are that it rings a bell. Children's attachment refers to a strong emotional bond that children develop toward people who care for them.
A lot of research in recent decades highlights the importance of positive attachment—what scientists call a "secure attachment."
Secure attachment acts like a superpower for children. When established, it can set the stage for positive outcomes, such as strong academic performance, learning, empathy, emotional regulation and well-being.
As a result, many parents and caregivers want their children to develop a secure attachment. But how can parents and caregivers achieve this?
In our recent study, a synthesis of 174 studies including more than 22,000 parents and children, we confirmed that when parents' behavior shows more sensitivity to children's needs, their child is far more likely to develop secure attachment.
As children grow, they face different situations where they need support from their parents. For example, infants may cry because they are hungry, be uncomfortable or feel scared because they heard a loud noise. Older children may scrape their knee falling off their bike or fear a monster in the closet.
A "sensitive" parent is someone who notices when their child needs attention and responds promptly in a way that comforts and reassures the child.
An "insensitive" parent may not notice that their child is in need, or may feel less interested in supporting them. This could happen for multiple reasons. Their attention may be drawn elsewhere: they may be preoccupied with work or personal issues or their phones; they may also have a history of being insensitively parented and lack the knowledge and skills to recognize and respond to their child's cues effectively.
Our study, published in Psychological Bulletin, highlights how sensitive and responsive parenting behaviors are key ingredients to achieving secure attachment.
Importantly, this link was present for children of all ages, as well as for girls and boys.
This study tells us that sensitive behaviors show children that they can rely on their parent in moments of need and trust them to help, which fosters secure attachment.
Children's sense of secure attachment with their parents or first caregivers is also the foundation for relationships with many other caregivers as children grow up, such as grandparents and educators. By having a caregiver who responds to their needs, children learn that when things get hard, they can rely on others for support and comfort.
Many people may primarily think of mothers when it comes to comforting a distressed child. However, our study reiterates that sensitive parenting matters for mothers and fathers alike. Being able to recognize and respond to a child's needs is about being attentive and caring for the child, and this can be achieved by any caregiver.
Given the importance of sensitive behaviors, parents, grandparents and/or educators may wonder how they can engage in more sensitively with children. Here are four strategies to help.
Parenting is a learning journey. By engaging in sensitive caregiving, we are helping children feel safe, secure and loved. These experiences shape their trust and confidence in caregivers, others and the world around them, which can have lasting effects on their well-being.