Truth: “The older you get, the better you get. Unless you're a banana,” Betty White once said. We also find that the older we get, the more we appreciate a good laugh, even if it comes in the form of a good old-fashioned old-age roast. Hence this go-to collection of and quotes for friends and loved ones, whether it’s their 16th or 60th.

Whether you are personalizing a DIY birthday card, posting a birthday tribute on Instagram, or looking for just the right hilarious words to accompany that thoughtful birthday gift for her or for him, these laugh-out-loud birthday wishes and zingers have you covered. So, get ready to give them a chuckle that’s sure to be the metaphorical icing on the birthday cake of their day.

Funny Birthday Wishes for Friends

At your age, when you say you're going to get lit on your birthday, let's face it—everyone knows you're talking about the cake.

I heard you were hoping for Taylor Swift tickets for your birthday. So… good luck with that. Happy birthday!

Congratulations on officially being old enough to get your driver's license! But do you avocado 🥑?

Happy not-legally-old-enough-to-do-anything-fun birthday.

So what if you're no spring chicken 🐣? Be egg-tra on your birthday!

"What did the fish say when it swam smack into the wall?" "Dam, you're old." Happy birthday, friend.

Sending birthday wishes to my best travel buddy… We sure do like to take trips around the sun together.

Few things in this world age really well: wine, cheese, whiskey… and quality antiques. (What did you think I was going to say? Happy birthday!)

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Happy Bee. Happy Bee who? Happy 🐝 day to you!

Happy birthday, old friend. Will you tell me the story again about what the 1900s were like?

Funny Birthday Messages for Him

Happy birthday to the most fungi 🍄 I know.

Happy beer-day, bud.

Birthdays are just like golf—if you don’t keep count it's a lot more fun.

You might be prehistoric, but at least you're not extinct!

Whatever you do, don't let aging get you down. It's way too hard to get back up again!

May you celebrate this birthday the way you celebrated the first one: naked and screaming.

Happy birthday to a dude who isn't showing his age—or acting it, either.

Older? For sure. Wiser? Not so much. Happy Birthday, bro!

You know you've hit middle age when your back is hairier than your head.

It’s your birthday! You're now a year closer to being that old guy who yells at kids to get off his lawn.

Happy Birthday, old man. So glad you're still alive and cake-ing!

If anyone calls you old this birthday, don't worry about it. Just hit him with your cane and throw your dentures at him.

Don't think of it as aging, think of it as leveling up. Congratulations and here's to a great year ahead!

I've already alerted the fire department, so go ahead and light the candles on your cake.

The best part of being older is that you did most of your stupid stuff before social media. Cheers to another trip around the sun!

Happy Birthday, big guy! Don't forget to iron the wrinkles out of that birthday suit.

If it's any consolation, in whiskey years you're just getting tastier. Happy birthday!

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Abby. Abby who? Abby birthday!

Funny Birthday Messages for Her

Happy birthday to my ride or die! I can’t wait until we’re old enough to terrorize the nursing home together!

The secret to staying young is make-up—make-up an age, then stick with it.

Is it hot in here? Must be all the candles on your birthday cake.

I can only hope to be as great a woman as you one day. But, obviously with better clothes. Happy birthday!

How do two pickle friends celebrate each other? They relish their birthdays, of course.

Happy, Happy Birthday to the "she" to my "nanigans"!

Happy birthday to one of the only people whose birthday I can remember without a Facebook reminder.

Don't think of them as gray hairs. Think of them as strands of birthday glitter growing out of your head.

This birthday, just remember: there's absolutely no shame in the Botox game.

Another birthday spent together...you know we're going to be friends 'til we're old and senile, right? And then we'll be new friends!

One minute, you’re young and fun. The next, you have a favorite burner on the stove. Which one is yours?

You don’t look a day over 20. From a distance. With my eyes squinted. Happy birthday, bestie!

For your birthday, I wanted to give you something that was absolutely wonderful, but then I remembered you already have me.

Happy Birthday to someone who is comparable to fine wine and cheese. You just get better with age, lady!

On your birthday, keep this in mind... you only look as old as your last selfie.

It’s your (birthday) party and you’ll cry if you want to, though I don’t recommend it. We'll be taking loads of pics tonight and you don't want to streak your mascara.

Here’s to another year of questionable life decisions! Happy birthday, rock star!

Happy Birthday, queen! You definitely don’t look a day older than the age you tell people you are.

You know, you've just turned the perfect age. You're old enough to recognize your mistakes but young enough to make a few more more.

Famous Funny Birthday Quotes

"You know you’ve aged when you read events you lived in a history book." ―Will Ferrell

"Middle age is when you still believe you’ll feel better in the morning." ―Bob Hope

"Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty." ―Joan Rivers

"Put candles in a cake, it’s a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, and somebody’s drunk in the kitchen." ―Jim Gaffigan

"You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, 'See if you can blow this out.'" ―Jerry Seinfeld

"Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed." ―Charles Schulz

"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter." ―Mark Twain

"I believe in loyalty. When a woman reaches an age she likes, she should stick with it." ―Eva Gabor

"You can live to be hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred." ―Woody Allen

"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." ―Bob Hope

"Eventually you reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it." ―Will Rogers

"The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age." ―Lucille Ball

"The older you get the better you get. Unless you are a banana." ―Betty White

"I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don’t have to respect anybody." ―George Burns

"I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do." ―Phyllis Diller

"There is still no cure for the common birthday." ―John Glenn

"A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday." ―Erma Bombeck

"When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off." ―Joan Rivers

"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." ―Truman Capote

"Inside every older person is a younger person—wondering what the hell happened." ―Terry Pratchett

Funny Short Birthday Messages

It’s better to be over the hill than under it.

Getting older is a piece of cake (and a few more candles).

You're not old. You're simply aged to perfection.

Age is just the number of years the world has been enjoying you.

Congratulations on being born a really long time ago.

I'd be a lot more excited about you turning one year older if I was in your will.

Happy one year closer to retirement!

It's scientifically proven that people who have more birthdays live longer.

Another year older and one step closer to Velcro shoes!

What goes up but never comes down? Your age.

Have a GRATE birthday! (Hope that’s not too CHEESY.)

For the record, you're not old, you're a classic.

At least you're not as old as you'll be this time next year.

You know you’re getting old when caution is the only thing you exercise.

Happy 29 (again)!

Remember that age is just a number… in your case, a REALLY high one.

I was going to get you the best birthday present ever, but I’m too big for the gift box.

Hilarious Belated Birthday Messages

I can't miss believe I missed your birthday. It's un-belatable!

Don't think of this birthday card as late. Consider it very early for next year.

Your birthday came, and your birthday went. Here are the wishes that I should have sent.

Happy Belated Birthday! When you're as old as I am, you’ll realize how hard it is to remember things.

Sure, you had lots of birthday wishes yesterday, but who's thinking of you today? Me, that’s who!

This card is actually late on purpose. Now it’s your birthday the entire month!

I'm sorry I wasn't there to mourn your lost youth. Happy Belated Birthday!

Now that everyone else’s birthday wishes have worn off, here’s one from me!

I didn’t forget your birthday, I just wanted to make it last longer.

Let me be the last to wish you a very Happy Birthday!

I’m sorry my birthday wishes are belated. I didn’t think you’d live this long.

Friends never forget birthdays! But sometimes they remember very, very, slowly.

So while you think this birthday card is a couple of days tardy, I have to confess something. This is actually your card from 2015 that I just got around to sending.

Sorry I missed your birthday! I promise it won’t happen again… this year.

Happy Late Birthday! I guess good things really do come to those who wait.

I really just wanted my card to stand out, so I decided to send it late.

My apologies for these belated birthday wishes—they were so heavy with love and good energy they were slowed down a bit!

I may have missed your birthday, but at least I didn’t forget that I forgot!

I may have forgotten your birthday, but how am I supposed to remember it if you never look any older?

Late birthday wishes are just a reason to eat more cake. And you don't even have to thank me!