We started dating when he was about to complete his National service. After he was done with the national service, he didn’t get work to do immediately. So he was at home for an entire year hunting for a job. While we hoped and prayed that things would work out, I was apprenticing as a hairdresser.

During this time he wasn’t giving me much money but I never complained, because I knew he was now struggling to find a source of income. I told myself that at the right time, he would take good care of me. So in the meantime, I shared the little I had with him. Under no circumstance did I make him feel less of a man because of this.

Now, when I first met him three years ago, he told me he was no longer dating his ex. They hadn’t officially broken up but the girl made him feel useless because he was a student who could not provide for her needs. So they stopped talking. According to him, they hadn’t spoken for an entire year before I came into the picture. “After one year of not talking, we are surely over. It’s just that no one has the courage to end it officially,” he said in an attempt to convince me he was single.

I believed him that he was done with her. I also believed in his potential to make something out of himself. That’s why I agreed to his proposal. I was certain it would all pay off when he starts making it in life. Even as I witnessed his struggles, I cheered him on and massaged his self-esteem whenever he faced rejections from these job recruiters. 

With patience and perseverance, Douglas experienced his breakthrough. He got the chance to be recruited into an ECG training program. After that, they employed him and posted him to work. It’s been five months since he started working, and his finances have fattened up as a result.

After I graduated from my training, I didn’t have the money to set myself up so things were hard. But when things got better for Doug, he helped.

My aunty has a store she’s not using so he gave me GHC2000 to start my salon business in the shop. He then went ahead to start a pub as a side business for himself. And I can attest to it that things are shaping up for him. I am so proud of how well he is doing but I can’t say the same for myself. That’s because the salon business is slow.

When I discussed this with him, I added; “There are schoolchildren in the neighborhood so I want to start selling spaghetti on the side. I will price it low enough for them to afford it. Hopefully, the money I make from there will cushion me a little.” He encouraged me to go ahead and do it, then gave me GHC200 to add to my starting capital.

Since that time, he hasn’t given me money for anything again. Not for upkeep, nor for clothes or anything to take care of myself. In the beginning, I understood his situation because his mum was ill. But sadly, we lost her. Enough time has passed for him to recover financially so I have started complaining about the fact that he is not doing as much for me as I hoped.

Now, whenever I complain, he tells me I am selfish. “Why do you like nagging me like this? Must you complain about every little thing?” He would say.

I was feeling bad about expecting too much of him until I found out that he is still seeing his ex. This ex of his is the same person he claimed maltreated him when he didn’t have anything.

This revelation is making me wonder if I am truly selfish or if he is saying that because his affections are divided. That’s why I am here to get your thoughts on the issue. Am I selfish for expecting him to give me money for my upkeep every once in a while? Also, what should I do about this ex situation? Should I leave him for her to take over or should I stay and fight for my man? 

— Julie

#SB