I started learning about the power of restorative justice and getting involved with juvenile justice, and now Enough is Enough works across many different areas, providing support for victims of violence and road trauma, running stress and anger management programs, providing therapy sessions for both victims and perpetrators, and providing food prep for the underprivileged. We’re in schools and in prisons, but we only have a couple of full-time staff. Government won’t give us the funding to do our job, so we rely on the kindness of volunteers and community.

I’ve been doing this for 30 years now, and I often get asked whether I’ve forgiven Michael’s killers. I haven’t, and I have no intention of doing so, but I’ve learnt to let go of the hate. Hate only hurts the person doing the hating, and why would I want to continue hurting myself? I want people to know it’s not what happens to you in life, but what you do when it happens that counts.”

“We were able to take our hurt and use it to help others”

Atena Abrahimzadeh, 38

“The things I remember most about my mother was how affectionate, easy – going and positive she was. Mum [Zahra] loved a laugh and lived to take care of her kids. Her death might have been public, but she was incredibly private about how much she suffered at the hands of my father; most of her friends only found out the truth when he stabbed her to death in 2010 at the Adelaide Convention Centre, where we were celebrating Persian New Year.

I spent the first few days convinced I was stuck in a nightmare I’d wake up from at any moment. After Mum’s death, a social worker assigned to our case helped us move to a safe house, and I had to focus on the practicalities of looking after my sister, Anita, who was 12 at the time, getting through the trial, my university studies and work.

Only once this was behind us and we were settled into our new lives did my siblings, Anita and my brother Arman, and I, along with the guidance and support of Women’s Safety Services SA, start talking about how good it would be to establish an organisation to support women who have fled abusive relationships and were ready to rebuild their lives. We knew from our own experience how difficult it was for women – particularly for those of different cultural backgrounds – to start afresh.

The Zahra Foundation Australia was established in 2015 to economically empower women who’ve fled domestic and family violence, have settled into a safe place and are ready for the next stage in their lives – whether that’s completing their education or gaining employment. We offer pathways to encourage these women into further education as well as workshops by trained professionals to upskill; we also provide financial counselling and a support network where they can meet other strong women who’ve been in their shoes. Mum was always proud of her children – anyone who met her would immediately understand that we were the centre of her universe – and I know if she could be here to see what we’ve managed to achieve, she would be thrilled.

Pouring our energy into taking something horrendous and galvanising it for positive change has been healing in many ways for my siblings and me. Having a role in establishing the foundation was helpful in that it allowed us to feel that her death was not in vain. We were able to take our hurt and do something with it that Mum would have wanted for others: a chance to live a happy life, free from violence. If she was looking down on us today – and I firmly believe that she is – I would say, ‘Mum, not only are we surviving but we’re thriving, and it’s all thanks to you and your legacy.’”

“Helping others is a form of therapy for me”

Louiza Marras (née Toumazis), 48

“Kris was all the things you could ever want in a brother; he was kind, gentle and endlessly cheerful. Born three years apart, we remained close as teenagers, often taking long drives together, going out to events, and spending long hours talking about issues we were having in our lives at the time. He was my best friend and I thought we had all the time in the world.

I woke up the morning Kris died in 1998 with a sense of dread I couldn’t place, but nothing could have prepared me for the moment I called home and my younger brother George told me that there had been a shooting outside an inner-Sydney nightclub and that Kris had been killed.

Grief has a way of turning you inside out. I remember a thousand people – friends, family and reporters – descending on our home. Loved ones – no matter how well-meaning – couldn’t provide us with the support that we needed to get to a lighter place because they couldn’t understand what we were dealing with. Martha Jabour from the Homicide Victims’ Support Group was there from the get-go, telling my parents, ‘I’m going to help you.’ She’s never stopped helping.

Joining the Homicide Victims’ Support Group was the best thing we could have done for ourselves, as well as for Kris’s memory. You can destroy yourself or cry 24 hours a day, but that’s never going to bring your loved one back.

As a family, we decided to get involved in everything we could: organised Christmas parties and cooked for 300 people, attended HVSG support meetings, got involved in different HVSG fundraising opportunities and met other families going through a similar situation to help them through. To be able to turn something truly terrible into something good is a form of therapy for me. The grief never goes away but doing positive things for others has allowed me to build a life that’s good and sturdy.

To commemorate the 20th anniversary of Kris’s death, we held an event which enabled us to raise almost $100,000 towards the building of Grace’s Place, a world-first HVSG community facility in [Sydney’s] Doonside that provides refuge for children impacted by homicide. It opened in 2023 and offers a residential arm, as well as programs, support and counselling, that will give these kids a second chance at life. What we don’t want is for these kids to start hating the world, stop loving or stop trusting; the space has been designed to feel like a big hug, full of warmth.

Some days are harder than others, but there isn’t a day that goes past where I don’t look at a photo of Kris and let him know that he is loved, that he didn’t die for nothing and that his family are keeping his memory alive through helping others. Generosity was at his core; he would have loved that.”